It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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