Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
