I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
