atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I know her cup size but not her name....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
