Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
