the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
