I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
