Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
