Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
