All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
