If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
