i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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