I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
