I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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