bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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