you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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