I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
