how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
