Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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