The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
