Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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