I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
