I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
