Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
wow bdsm is so cute
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
