yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
