If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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