My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
