You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
