Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think your dad took our porno
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
