Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize