i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
