I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
