so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just invented taco cereal.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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