last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
