So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
