i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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