I hate all girls vehemently.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
