i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
