operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
