obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just invented taco cereal.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh god it's open bar.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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