i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't turn off my feet"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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