I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
