You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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