Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
