Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
