One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
