guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
