; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
