God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
