I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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