The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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