The maid of honor just puked.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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