The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
