Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
