If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
