when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
