You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
