Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
