he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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