Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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