I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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