I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
