I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
