how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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