K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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