You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
