hotel room ftw
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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