The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize