Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
