i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
