Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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