Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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